if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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