I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
