wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
