Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
