Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
