He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
no you cant smoke seaweed
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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