I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
