Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
