I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my being single is dangerous.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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