:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Randomize
