tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
