This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
