You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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