Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
