i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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