It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
