we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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