The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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