that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
