he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
