they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
