Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
