If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
