I hate all girls vehemently.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
