no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
