He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
