I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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