if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
