Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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