the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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