Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i think my cat just said my name.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
