So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
