it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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