You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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