question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
