do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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