I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize