Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
