i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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