There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
