Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
