He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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