We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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