You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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