Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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