why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
