dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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