My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
