do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
