does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The uberlube is also flammable
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
