I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
