when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
