who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
