i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
