we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
