I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
