I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
