fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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