my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
