he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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