Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
