Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
