At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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