I need help removing her.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
