But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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