she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
