Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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