People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
