it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
