Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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