That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
tell me about the eggs
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