The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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