we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
