Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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