That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize