Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
