well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
