It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
how does that bad decision feel?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
