I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
