I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
