I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
