her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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