Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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