yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
