he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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